i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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