I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
