I am midnight drunk by noon
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
