the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
