how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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