we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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