i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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