woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
