I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
