I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
