I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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