Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
