So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
