please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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