I wannas sexs uuuuu
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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