Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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