Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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