I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just invented taco cereal.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i out mim tonsoeep
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
