I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
