if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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