White coat. Heels.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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