and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
