i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
