They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
