I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
