awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
