Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
