I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
