***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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