He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
no, he came in my armpit
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
