Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
