I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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