Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
