he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
