Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
