when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
