Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The air was thick with penises
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
