He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
