She is in my trunk
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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