It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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