Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
