I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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