Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
