Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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