Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
