im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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