I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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