He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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