I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
