I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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