Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
