She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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