Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
