i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
