We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
