Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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