Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
what day is it and did you see me today?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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