i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
