Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
