We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
