Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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