Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
