You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
