whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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