you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
