glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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