just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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