piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
