Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
