The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
