dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
