So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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